Belphegor - 07-12-2005 - Updated Tue/Thu/Sat

Musings on Demonic Poetry

Do demons blaspheme? Do they talk shit about someone they know to be omnipotent? I can just picture a whole bunch of demons, sitting around, nice and quiet, fearing the Almighty. One of those demons timidly opens his mouth. He takes a short, shallow breath as his pulse races. He takes another little pant, closes his (many) eyes, and shouts "God is a JERK!" A silence overtakes all of Hell. Even the volcanos stop their belching, as every single thing in the realm of the damned turns and looks in wonder and shock. Time passes, perhaps seconds, perhaps hours, as the demon stands, terrified but braced for annihilation. Suddenly, breaking the pallor of stillness, another demon shouts, "I fucked God's mom!" Followed by "God's an asshole!" "God can kiss my red, spiky ass!" "God sucks at Scrabble!" and other such aspersions hurled skyward against an indifferent all powerful potentate.

Of course, hundreds of years later, God finally gets around to punishing the offenders. He makes them answer phones for a living. Or makes them live as the characters from The Office.

Due to a weekend playing Neverwinter Nights with my brothers and friends over the magic of the internet rather than gathering intelligence on the perverse state of today's rapidly deteriorating world, I don't have any real material with which to fuel my moral preaching. And I just don't have the heart to go looking for things that distress or upset me today. It's too nice out.

For anyone wondering, perhaps because of the last news post, yes, I am a paranoid crackpot. Do I actually believe the theories I spew? Probably, but that doesn't make me right. It don't make me wrong either. But don't get me drunk, or you'll get both ears full of one crotchety old lunatic.